the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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