i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
