i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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