You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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