Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
