Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Dear god my vagina.
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