I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
