I think I died a long time ago.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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