am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
