Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
