So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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