Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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