Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
