we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
