it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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