I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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