Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
