Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
