It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
