My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
