your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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