I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
