i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
