Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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