We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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