dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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