What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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