I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
