didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
YAS. BRING CRAB.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
