Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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