you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
