dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
