she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
