smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
bring money and cleavage
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
