Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
