Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
