Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
