On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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