to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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