Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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