stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Boobs speak an international language.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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