I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
