Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
