My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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