Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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