you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
you're hired as official boob wrangler
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
