Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize