we're chasing vodka with high fives
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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