Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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