the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize