Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Let's get the cat blown out
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
