Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You dont lie about slip and slides
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
