Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
