Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
