I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
