he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
