Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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