so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Randomize
