Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
