You work out of a Hotel?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
