ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
one two three fourrrrnication!
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
