I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
