She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
