I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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