I wish they made helmets for livers.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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