these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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