so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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