walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
